Episode 4: GUILT

Welcome to episode 4. In our last Episode we talked about what grief was in detail and in this episode we would like to talk about Guilt.

 

We define guilt as a remorseful emotional reaction in bereavement, with recognition of having failed to live up to one's own inner standards and expectations in relationship to the deceased and/or the death”

 

Guilt is characterised by self-blame/ regret/ shame.

 

Self-blame is when you take responsibility or ownership about the cause of a person’s death. When we admit that it was our fault and blame ourselves for not living up to/ or for failing the other person.

 

Regrets on the other hand are negative painful thoughts and feelings. They are always around things you feel you didn’t do or could have done differently ie actions and inactions that you feel would have achieved a better outcome. Often there is a feeling of  unfinished business with the deceased or the perception that one could have done things differently with respect to the relationship with the deceased and/or the death-related events. It is the coulda/ woulda/shoulda that follows after a loss.

 

We share our experiences in dealing with guilt and common reasons people have given as to why they feel guilt.

 

We discuss that these reasons, though logical, are many atimes untrue.

 

We share that people feel guilt because there is the need to blame something or someone because we feel a lack of control when it comes to death and dying

If we do not blame ourselves or someone else,

 

Also a lack of trust in a God who is all knowing and all seeing and who is sovereign because accepting this would be surrendering and for some of us, that can be a really hard thing to do. 

 

 We share a few tips on how guilt can be overcome.

1.Embrace it/ acknowledge what you feel  guilty about/ face it

Work on it by addressing the whys..

2.See the whole picture. It is easy to focus on the last few days, hours, before a person died and you refuse to take into account the whole relationship.

Is what you are telling yourself the truth/rational

3.Renew your mind. As a Christian, what does God say about guilt and the thoughts you are buying into.

4.Take action: forgive yourself, Apologise where necessary.

 

 

Perhaps you are listening to this episode and you are struggling with guilt, we encourage you to ask yourself

What you would say to a friend or family member who was expressing the same feelings to you? Would you tell them to forgive themselves?

If so, do the same to yourself.

 

A technique often used in grief work is letter writing - this usually involves writing a letter to the person that has died in the hope of dealing with and completing any ‘unfinished business’, telling them how you feel about them, the situation surrounding their death, anything you wanted to say but now can’t.

 

 

Finally we leave you with the Serenity Prayer and some scriptures

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make things right

If I surrender to His Will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him

Forever and ever in the next.

Amen.

 

Revelation 12:10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say, “Now the salvation, the power, the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah have come. For the one who accuses our brothers, who accuses them day and night in the presence of our God, has been thrown out.

 

 

Hebrews 10:22 let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.

 

We hope you find this episode valuable. Please like, comment, share and most importantly subscribe so you don't miss any episodes. 

 

Till next time we pray you find the grace to find new meaning to life and live above guilt.

 

Feel free to connect with us via our website 

 

http://whenlifestops.org/

 

We love you.

Detola and Stella.